Angry Wishes

Wow, seems like it has been a while since I have popped up anything on this blog. I knew it has been a while but I didn’t really think anything of it until one of my 360 buddies told me to write something, as she missed reading my blogs!

Well, I really do not have anything in particular that has struck me in a manner that I have to jump on to the ole wizard’s soapbox. So, for now will do a little updating of sorts, and maybe something will jump out.

Most of you that have visited here are probably aware of the story contest that I was running. It just finished up, with Apolo Sputnik writing the winning entry. It was a, all in all, disappointing turn out, I am sorry to say. Yes, there were a few good entries, but most seem rushed, with near half the entries coming in that last week (and a number in the last 48 hours). Of course, at that time I was more concerned with the html of the page then the actual reading of the stories, because I wanted to get them all up for the fans of the genre when I said that I would.

If anyone would read the stories, you will see a very common thread with a number of them, though it was entirely circumstantial since I made no indication of the type in my contest rules. Wonder Woman being made into a brood mare for the Nazi’s. I guess it is logical to see that, especially with my familiarity with the history of the Nazi social order (all those History Channel specials), a Amazon warrior of Wonder Woman’s stature would be a fantastic choice as a breeder of “the master race”.

Personally, I was hoping to see WW face a bunch of Japanese! Something a bit different, then the normal WW vs. Germans as seen all too often (at least there was no Fraulin Fausta!).

I think maybe with my next story contest I will open it up. Maybe I have been too constrictive to people’s muses, and need to make things easier for the writers. What I am thinking of is to make the contest about ANY costumed heroine. Be they known or original, be they of DC or Marvel or what-have-you, be they current or historical. I won’t even worry about the “no lesbianism” rule. Because most writers ignore it anyway! Some writers are so intent on having lesbianism in a story, regardless of the rules, that they will include such actions, in any case. Of course, being that I hate such stories (maybe if they were not constantly shoved down my throat I may become less adamant against them), the second I see such things in a story that I am judging, I put the story aside in the “LOSER” pile and go on to the next.

In my “normal” and “everyday” life, things have been quite hectic. Today at work, I really feel highly stressed and have a strong desire to choke, pummel, shoot and kick people. Well, not ALL people, just SOME people. Primarily those people that have a hard time actually listening. I mean, why ask a person a question if you are not going to listen to the answer? If you are so freaking smart that you know everything already, why ask me a question, and then interrupt me when I start to answer. Do you not realize that if I have a gun I will put it to your freaking forehead and pull the trigger just so I have some peace and quiet???!

Yes, it has been a very long and hard shift. Still have 4 hours to go, and I am grumpy, hungry, and peeved. I am supposed to be training a new employee (who thinks she is the 2^nd coming of Christ and Einstein and Galileo, all rolled into one… with tits), in practices and procedures that keep changing (for example, one piece of information that we put into our computers has been changed 3 times in the past 18 hours in the proper and correct way that the state wants them entered), that I am driving myself nutso to distraction trying to figure out the best way of doing that myself, let alone showing someone new how to do it.

Hmmmmmm….. a couple weeks ago, I bought a new handgun. A Beretta Sturm .40. Pretty gun! Very sleek. Very modern. This gun scares me because it has no ‘real’ safety! It’s in the trunk of my 2006 Dodge Charger (really need to fuel it up and just take a DRIVE!!!). Hope that is not some sort of subconscious warning!!

I think some of the problem with me is that I really haven’t had any good “stress relieving” in the last couple of months. Seems like most of the people that I most enjoy role-playing with have either disappeared because of their own responsibilities at home and/or job and/or school, or haven’t been in the mood, or haven’t had the time, or … or… or….

Kind of frustrating. Understandable, but frustrating. No, I am not taking any of that personally, because I know that THIS little world of mine, this internet, this cyber world, is secondary to most of us (and well it should be). Of course, one person has told me that she is a bit tired of my Supergirl shtick, and doesn’t want to do much with me in that regards anymore, which is perfectly understandable. I do get a bit carried away! But, unlike what I have read in other people’s blogs with their own experiences in different role playing groups and such, I am not going to call her nasty names and rant and rage and jump up and down and scream about the unfairness of it all. Why not? Because she IS right! I need to look at my play, and open up my creativity a bit more to encompass what my partners want and like and need.

Now, that leads me to something else (forgive the tangenting! My brain is going to do that at 4:30am!), why is it, that people seem to have the urge, to call people names when they do not agree with their particular ideas/opinions? I have seen it on the political blogs, sports blogs, car blogs, heroine blogs…. someone says something that is seen as controversial, and there are people that just go absolutely bat-shit. They do not say that they disagree with the writer and the opinion/statement and this is why…. but go into a rant about how this person is a communist plastic Barbie snow bunny cannibal of little puppies (or whatever is seen as the most terrible thing for that particular blog) because the words said by the CPBSNCLP is completely in disagreement of THEIR particular ideals. There is no respectful discourse and sharing of opinions, there is no give and take of information and facts between the parties, there is only spiteful and vengeful venom. It seems like it is coming down to US versus THEM! In ALL things! Black and white, good and evil, you are with us, or you are for the terrorists type of bullshit. (Of course, when you see how the politics and the leadership and the government that we find ourselves in right now here in the U.S., I suppose that it isn’t TOO hard to understand). All too often I hear arguments based upon theology or opinion that was formed over the years based upon “faith-based” propaganda, that are used against those that have actual measurable facts, that it is not just frustrating, but it is SAD and pathetic! GW Bush is pushing “No child left behind” and the importance of education in order to bring the students of this country back into the top tiers of the scientists of tomorrow, yet these are the same morons that have issues with evolution??? Did these guys ever even go through middle school biology class??

Personally, I have no issue with any particular religion. I think that they are ridiculous. People killing each other for centuries over what name is the best name for their particular god, which usually is the same god as the others that they are killing. The same gods with the same parables and mythos that was stolen from other peoples and other religions centuries before. Just add a new coat of paint, and PRESTO… A new and better and stronger god! Now with 100 virgins for every neo-con martyr!!

No, I have always been of the mind that there are a number of religions, a larger number of humans, and that while I might not find a particular comfort in some particular dogma of some religion, that someone else just might. And, what works for me, will not necessarily work for you, or for her, or for him, or for them. Indeed, what I personally would do, is take bits and pieces from different religions and meld them into my own particular spiritual viewpoint and personal ‘dogma’. I am an individual that has a brain. I look, I learn, and while I am not always right, I will follow that path that I have explored myself. I have gone that path were I put on a blindfold and headphones and let someone dictate to me how I should walk and talk and think, because THEY are the ones that KNOW the mind of god, and thus the mind of me. I did not like it then, I like it even less now. I can make my own mistakes and screw ups on my own, by myself, thank you very much!

Unfortunately, I think I am the exception, rather then the rule. Now, before you all get all riled up and storm the wizard’s castles ramparts, hear me out. I am not talking YOU, but THEM. Those that do not want to think for themselves, because it is more comfortable to have someone think for them and to decide for them and to lead them in all things that they do. It is safer to them to have someone say what god to pray to, what party to vote for (straight ticket, of course), what school to bus to, what television shows to watch, what books to read, what brand of deoderant to wear. Well, maybe not safer, in a physical sense, but in a moral sense, because the responsibility for their actions is placed on someone else’s shoulders. And, if a mistake is made, an error in their life/style occures (no matter what the circumstance or outcome), well … it is okay, because it was someone ELSE that made that choice, not THEM! It is easier for a man to say he is pro-life then for a female not to say that she is pro-choice. A man doesn’t have to worry about what goes into his non-existant womb, and thus whose child comes out! As long as the neo-cons state that every life is sacred, we do not have to think about the hypocrisy in that statement when we take that child with genetical defects to the doctor, paying ourselves into bankrupcy because we have no health coverage (being only sacred within the womb). Then getting laid off because our employer could no longer carry the insurance premiums that they have, not if they want the quarterly reports to the stock holders to show a profit, not when it is easier to out source to another country, where there are no welfare and labor laws.

No, life is only sacred as far as it is able to make a profit for those in power. Life is sacred when it can carry a gun, it is no longer sacred when an IED blows off it’s limbs and it is sent back home to rot in a ill staffed and under funded hospital with rats for bed mates. Life is only sacred when it is pretty and white and rich, not when it poor and brown and bloated from malnutrition.

Life is only sacred when you agree with my countries leaders, and not when you just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time when we bomb your village. Life is only sacred when you believe in justice and democracy and the right of law, not when dangle above a cot in a military prison, years after taken from your home in the middle of the night in your own country by a foreign invader who wants you to learn the benefits of voting for your own leaders.

And no, I am NOT against the soldiers! They are there doing their job. Having served in the US Army myself, I know what it is like to be sent to places to do jobs that we do not want to do. But, we did it, because of our sense of responsibility and honor. No, it is the politics and the political leaders behind such actions that I have issue with. I am not stupid enough to believe that clap trap of “if you are against the war, you hate the soldiers and you support the terrorists”. Unfortunately, too many people DO believe such things. They follow the politics of fear, to join in goose-stepping behind those leaders that spout the same neo-con garbage that is based upon theocratic faith-based dogma, then any actual facts. We are a society of impatience and of 20 second sound-bites. People do not want to spend time reading a newspaper, they want to see the latest results of American Idol on their Blackberry. No one wants to do background reasearch on something that a talking head told us on the radio, because that would mean hanging up our cellphone attached to our ear, right when Buffy was going on and on about how life is being so unfair to Paris! How can there be any sort of danger to our planet in a couple hundred of years from my driving my Hummer around in LA, my SUV never seeing dirt, never going needing the 4x4 to go over anything more trying then a curve at Ballys? Who cares!! I want my status, my illusion of power and dominance over the road, and over those lowly peons in their little cars, as they try to shove 5 people into a Prius. Out of my way, peasant!! I need to go to Starbucks for my latte!! So what if the stand is a block and a half from where I live???

*sigh*

I am not perfect. Oh, I am soooo far from perfect! I know that I have made mistakes, I make mistakes, and I will continue to make mistakes. But, they will be my own mistakes!!

I am tired and exhausted and worn out. I need a break. I have already cancelled out my vacation next month because of my responsibilities of my job and that I do not feel it right to leave my trainee without the best supervision that I can give her, even though she drives me absolutely bonkers with her attitude of self-importance and superiority. I look at my mailbox and see that I have tons of images that I have to work on for the next update, which I need to do very soon. I wish that my FTP would work on my main computer and not only my email computer so that I don’t have to stare at my ceiling to see what I am doing with my secondary computer. I wish that my cat would quit puking on the floor after eating without chewing (furry pig!). I wish that I could win the multi-million dollar lotto and just retire and learn how to play an electric guitar and write nasty stories and do naughty images with poser! I wish I had a bigger place and a place to put all my books… and more places for more books so I could buy more books!! I wish I had a 50 inch plasma television with a thunderous 7.1 sound system. I wish I wasn’t blind and deaf!

I know… you wish I would shut up!

Okay, your wish is my command!

(Originally posted June 15th, 2007 on my Yahoo 360 blog)