Vladi Wizard's Musings

1. A day without sunshine is like ..... night. 2. On the other hand .... you have different fingers. 3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. (Michelle is the 1%) 5. Remember, half the people you know are below average. 6. He who laughs last thinks slowest. 7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap. 9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have. 10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines. 12. If you think nobody cares about you, just try missing a couple of payments. 13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand. 14. OK, so what's the speed of dark? 15. When everything is coming your way, you're probably in the wrong la! ne. 16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. 17. How much deeper would th...

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES AND HOUSEHOLD TIPS: 1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed. 2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away. 3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink. 4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer. 5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button. 6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough. 7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget all about the toothache. 8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You on...

From another one of those emails that tend to go around the office... the country... and the world. Usually I delete these out of hand, but this is one that I thought was rather good, and one that I could agree with to the most part. So, I will share this with you here. Natural Highs Think about them one at a time BEFORE going on to the next one.... IT DOES MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD, especially the thought at the end. 1. Falling in love. 2. Laughing so hard your face hurts. 3. A hot shower. 4. No lines at the supermarket. 5. A special glance. 6. Getting mail. 7. Taking a drive on a pretty road. 8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio. 9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside. 10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer. 11. Chocolate milkshake. (Or vanilla, or strawberry!) 12. A bubble bath. 13. Giggling. 14. A good conversation. 15. The beach. 16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter. 17. Laughing at yourself. 18. Finding a Soul mate 19. Midnight phone c...