June Update w repost

This is a repost of my post to my Peer Support Group here on FB (time delay 15 min):


Okay, I am going to just jump into this face first... errr... feet first! (Plus, it's now part of my therapy 🤔)

As some of you know, I have been having some issues in this past year, which started to go towards critical mass last July when I started having memory problems. Making a long story short, and skipping ahead to October when I retired (early) from XXXXX.

Well, with my various medical issues, upon which now dealing with PTSD, depression and anxiety, and no longer having the everyday pound of 911 life and all it entails, I really have hit a drastic low.
Low enough that the first time I turned in my guns to XXXXX, and the second time I was transported to Memorial with suicidal ideations. Mind you, I had these thoughts EVERY DAY, but this time I actually acted upon those thoughts and started to look for means to prep the garage for C02 termination.

Right now, I am doing ... fairly okay. Certainly better, as the meds I am now on seem to be keeping me in a nice balance, in which I am not thinking of how many ways I can kill myself (so far, I am up to 11).

Marijuana also helps. Of course, I am not going to DENY that I do not enjoy it's "recreational" uses as well, though it REALLY helps with my peripheral nephropathy, which is with me EVERY SINGLE FING DAY... and will be forever ... or until I lose my feet... whichever comes first.

One thing that you really are not prepared for in retirement, is the absolute boredom that can occur, as no plans were made for it in advance. And, with depression issues, nothing really is much fun anymore. With my feet issues comes balance issues, so I need a cane to move around with, and my confidence in using THE BEAST to take pictures is drastically reduced, as I don't want to drop it (still... THANKS for the great Suncomm camera strap!! 😁) so, photography is shelved for the foreseeable future. Still playing bass, but no longer taking lessons, as $100/mo is really needed for non-discretionary payments (maybe I can sneak a jam session with XXXXXXXXX 😊)

So, I am going to be using this as a therapy tool, but hopefully not TOO much (2x/week what my therapist said), so I don't have to throw out TOO much right now ... plus, I need to come to terms with all this private stuff that I just gave out there to you all... and you all KNOW how private a person that I really am!

Thanks again for making me a part of this group, and hopefully something I have here will resonate with someone and help them not have to go through all the tribulations that I am going through (and I know that others are, as well... it's not just me).

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