Mental Meanderings - August 13, 2018
Vladi's Mental Meandering
4 of 12
Intimacy
I was talking to my ex, Cheryl, this weekend, when I had an epiphany. Our conversation was circling the burning bush of intimacy, which I have always had a bit of a disagreement with her about, but until now, I really never realized WHY.
As some of you know, my childhood was not the best growing up, and thus I had a lot of trust issues (still to this day, but working on it), especially on letting people get close to me. Now, the point of contention is that to Cheryl, sex was intimacy. And, while it very well can be, I think that there is much more to intimacy than just skin on skin contact.
No, to me, intimacy is transparency and vulnerability. You do not have to be face to face with someone to be intimate with them, as we have all have had intimate situations with those that we have dealt with over the phone. We have had to help some very desperate people, who lay open themselves for the help they desperately crave, often telling us things that they would not tell their own mothers (or should save for their lawyers).
Part of this comes also from this, for example. This is an example of one-way intimacy, where I am baring open myself with these words of things that I feel deeply about, which are personal to me. Indeed, that was part of the conversation where I was stating that intimacy CAN BE 2nd party (text chatting on FB or such) or 3rd party (such as this 'letter'). First person, would be, of course, face to face with the other person that you love/trust that you are sharing your heart/soul with. Again, that does not have to be skin to skin, just talking can be very intimate.
The best intimacy, of course, is shared intimacy. Where both parties are open and transparent and vulnerable to the other person., and when that is shared, that is a thing of true love, where you absolutely trust the other person to not hurt or betray you with those intimate moments that you just shared. Indeed, if you find that real hurt in relationships, I will be you that often the deepest cuts came from such betrayals of these intimacies.
Yes, social media can be seen as a bane to real and true communications. It is also something that can be seen as a tool for those that do not have the ability to communicate as they would like, be it because of physical hindrances, or distance, or anonymity (the most common one online). And, while we have seen some truly stupid and ridiculous things stated online, we have also seen and read things that are absolutely heartbreaking and/or inspiring that came from someone opening up themselves and sharing something intimate to themselves (and this doesn't have to be a lot .. can be just a second in time to them, which takes them 3 pages to describe
).
I am sure that many of you will recall moments in a dark candle lit restaurant are more intimate than the 'celebration' of that time that takes place later in the bedroom. Much of this is the social preoccupation with sex, which we so often mis-characterize as intimacy. Thus, we spend all our attentions figuring out how to get into someone's pants, instead of concentration on the true intimate moments of learning of that persons hopes, and desires, and fears, and dreams, and secrets. We are looking at feeling the other in a sensual sense (which is not bad, mind you, and can be very intimate), rather in the spiritual sense. That openness to lay open our soul to the other that we love and trust.
To me, THAT is true intimacy.
Enjoy your day!
4 of 12
Intimacy
I was talking to my ex, Cheryl, this weekend, when I had an epiphany. Our conversation was circling the burning bush of intimacy, which I have always had a bit of a disagreement with her about, but until now, I really never realized WHY.
As some of you know, my childhood was not the best growing up, and thus I had a lot of trust issues (still to this day, but working on it), especially on letting people get close to me. Now, the point of contention is that to Cheryl, sex was intimacy. And, while it very well can be, I think that there is much more to intimacy than just skin on skin contact.
No, to me, intimacy is transparency and vulnerability. You do not have to be face to face with someone to be intimate with them, as we have all have had intimate situations with those that we have dealt with over the phone. We have had to help some very desperate people, who lay open themselves for the help they desperately crave, often telling us things that they would not tell their own mothers (or should save for their lawyers).
Part of this comes also from this, for example. This is an example of one-way intimacy, where I am baring open myself with these words of things that I feel deeply about, which are personal to me. Indeed, that was part of the conversation where I was stating that intimacy CAN BE 2nd party (text chatting on FB or such) or 3rd party (such as this 'letter'). First person, would be, of course, face to face with the other person that you love/trust that you are sharing your heart/soul with. Again, that does not have to be skin to skin, just talking can be very intimate.
The best intimacy, of course, is shared intimacy. Where both parties are open and transparent and vulnerable to the other person., and when that is shared, that is a thing of true love, where you absolutely trust the other person to not hurt or betray you with those intimate moments that you just shared. Indeed, if you find that real hurt in relationships, I will be you that often the deepest cuts came from such betrayals of these intimacies.
Yes, social media can be seen as a bane to real and true communications. It is also something that can be seen as a tool for those that do not have the ability to communicate as they would like, be it because of physical hindrances, or distance, or anonymity (the most common one online). And, while we have seen some truly stupid and ridiculous things stated online, we have also seen and read things that are absolutely heartbreaking and/or inspiring that came from someone opening up themselves and sharing something intimate to themselves (and this doesn't have to be a lot .. can be just a second in time to them, which takes them 3 pages to describe
).I am sure that many of you will recall moments in a dark candle lit restaurant are more intimate than the 'celebration' of that time that takes place later in the bedroom. Much of this is the social preoccupation with sex, which we so often mis-characterize as intimacy. Thus, we spend all our attentions figuring out how to get into someone's pants, instead of concentration on the true intimate moments of learning of that persons hopes, and desires, and fears, and dreams, and secrets. We are looking at feeling the other in a sensual sense (which is not bad, mind you, and can be very intimate), rather in the spiritual sense. That openness to lay open our soul to the other that we love and trust.
To me, THAT is true intimacy.
Enjoy your day!
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